Approximately three years ago while training for a triathlon, I was hit by a car while on my bike. The injuries I sustained were serious enough to prevent me from working for six months. That six month period of forced inactivity resulted in more time than I wanted to dwell on the past and subsequently examine various parts of my life and core beliefs.
Almost as bad as the pain from the injuries was the fact that I was prevented from working out. Fitness, nutrition and training had always been a priority and an important part of my life. Now junk food and a sedentary existence were the norm. Even worse was dealing with the fact that 9 months of intense training for an upcoming race all went out the window with the accident. My established routine of getting up at 5 a.m. 7 days a week to lift, run or ride, was now replaced by easy chair lounging while watching T.V. I had little other to do than let my mind wade through and endless parade of mental chatter and annoying self-talk.
At one point during an endless loop of retrospect, I began asking myself why fitness was so important to me. As much as I delved into the past, I simply could not surface what drove me to always try to stay fit. And then one day, after watching a Gatorade commercial of an athlete doing stairs in a football stadium, it came to me….it was all because of my college lacrosse coach!!! The commercial brought back memories of running steps at Fetzer field and more specifically, my first few practices as freshman at U.N.C. Those first overwhelming lacrosse practices, running torturous 440 splits on the Carolina blue track quickly surfaced. Involuntary recall now surfaced one horrible split where I was one of the last players to finish. As I finished the lap my coach spoke the words that effectively set a path for the rest of my life. He stated simply and directly with a good amount of disgust, “Miller, you should be embarrassed. You have a long way to go to get in shape.” And then, in an instant, all the assistant coaches piled on. My ears were ringing; there was no place to hide; it was ugly, but deserved. The truth hurt.
Those words spoken to me by a coach that I admired and respected stung me. I was not only humiliated, but I was embarrassed in front of my teammates. There was no escaping that moment, as we all stood gasping for air in the suffocating Carolina heat and humidity. My teammates were surely happy that they escaped the coach’s wrath and that I was the whipping boy for the rest of the work out.
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I realized that it was that one exact embarrassing moment when I decided I would never be out of shape again. That frame of reference drove me to never miss a work out for the better part of my adult life. Those simple, direct and forcefully spoken words by my coach altered the course of my life.
My son in law, who played for Mike Pressler at Duke, shared a similar experience when we recently discussed coaching styles. He told me his first season at Duke under Pressler was torturous. Never had he been pushed so hard with so much expected of him. Eventually he understood and accepted Pressler`s demands as a test of his inner strength. Pressler saw in him what he had yet to realize. The lessons taught by Pressler about toughness and responsibility to his teammates, drove him to be the best player he could be. Eventually earning All American status on a team filled with superstars was due in great part to Pressler`s faith in him on and off the field. To this day he states that, next to his Mom and Dad, Mike Pressler was the most influential figure in his life. These stories probably play out at every level every year with positive benefits.
Let’s agree that the role of a college coach extends beyond the boundaries of the side lines. When you consider that you are likely to write checks in excess of $200,000 for your son`s college, you should hope that lacrosse life lessons will be an integral part of the value proposition. It is highly likely that you son`s lacrosse coach will be the voice of reason and pragmatism in his life away from you. The liberal agenda espoused at many schools gives leftist leaning professors an open forum to demean much of what your son may have been taught at home. I can only guess that maybe excluding economics professors, capitalism and meritocracy are not words of merit in the ever socialist leaning academic communities. Maybe that coach acts as his anchor. Maybe that coach demands responsibility of your son, espousing competition as good. And maybe these constant teachings from his coach help him avoid many of the temptations and illicit behavior on today’s college campuses.
There is a serious divide between what is taught as book knowledge vs. real life skills learned as a college athlete. Numerous articles have surfaced about the hiring practices at many Wall Street firms, referencing a lacrosse pipeline. The articles point to the beneficial skill set that athletes possess that translates well in the competitive corporate world. College athletes learn that failure is an everyday event, while framing mistakes as only being temporary. Additionally, the learned mandate of teamwork carries over to all levels at every corporation big or small. That forceful and demanding coach can drill down deep into a player's psyche to create lasting values that keep the fire burning long after graduation. I bet you, like me, remember every coach’s name from grade school through college. l remember the names of but a few of my college professors as entertaining as they may have been. Their classroom lessons have faded with time. This is certainly not the case with my youth and college coaches. Their teachings, however harsh at times, created lasting impressions that have stayed with me.
So given the importance of a good coach, should your college search be predicated on the coach at your schools of choice? It is certainly one of the many variables that you should consider. The educational component should be the overriding concern with lacrosse as a secondary, yet important component.
Assuming you have alternatives, what attribute should you look for in a coach? How should you try and assess his communication skills, his leadership skills, and his ability to motivate? The easiest way to accomplish this is to ask for face time with each coach. Coaches today are an interesting breed. They are for the most part driven and focused, with unique and different approaches to the game. The differences in style and demeanor are dramatic from school to school. Some are enigmatic; some are capable of running a large corporation, some are task masters. All want to win and stress the importance of becoming part of the fabric of what they are building. How to get a glimpse of what they are really like away from a controlled recruiting visit? Simply go watch one of their games!! Observe their side line demeanor...are they screaming at refs and players who make mistakes...or are they calm and focused without the F bombs being dispersed? Watch how each communicates with his players during time outs and pressure situations. With so many games now being televised this can easily be accomplished.
In a perfect world, they should all be like John Danowski. Did you ever see him scream at a ref or one of his players? Did you see how calm he was in the early season in the face of a struggling Duke team? The camera always shows him speaking calmly to his players, no yelling, and no ranting. He mirrors the behavior of a CEO of a large corporation. Inspirational without be overbearing. He did a masterful job this past season. Winning a national championship after a disastrous first half of the season was amazing. His team`s success was due in great part to their willingness to believe in their coach and their teammates. Losses were simply temporary setbacks. The players on that team will have that amazing season as a frame of reference for the rest of their lives. You simply can’t put a dollar figure on that embedded experience.
That class in Quantitative Physics, or Macro Economics may have a practical application in your son`s major and subsequent job search. However, I seriously doubt that the professor or teaching assistant will likely have the potential impact on your son in the way the John Danowski’s of the coaching world will. The principles and values that you as a family hold true are more likely to be reinforced and strengthened on the field than in the classroom. Writing those tuition checks may not be so painful if your son is lucky enough to be mentored by a coach who helps him grow into manhood, while making lifelong friendship with teammates who have all shared the demands of college athletics.
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